just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
