I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
