She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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