Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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