dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
