She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
