it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
