i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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