Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
