I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
