just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
