this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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