no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
