I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
