Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I skipped work to stalk him.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
