Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
