I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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