Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
