Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize