it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
