ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize