Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
