She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
