the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
