Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
