i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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