is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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