I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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