I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
