I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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