He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
whose parrot is this?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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