I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
