Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize