K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
