i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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