she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize