it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize