I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
