Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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