we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize