Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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