We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
