Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
