so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
