As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
