Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
