my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
