Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
