I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize