dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i love accidental penises.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
