Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
