You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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