I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
