If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
