That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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