i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
