We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize