I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
tell me about the eggs
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