So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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