Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize