New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
