All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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