I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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