In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
whose parrot is this?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
