So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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