we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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