Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
