He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
