As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
