the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i love accidental penises.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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